Glad I'm Emotionally Stable...

I know that some people are not born with the gift of thinking before they speak. Others are not born with the knowledge of the different ways people may interpret what they say. I have met a lot of those people during this pregnancy. Unfortunately, they are mostly my family members! Granted, some of them are not mean, but just silly thoughts from my darling husband!

Enjoy!

Me-Me: So, has your doctor been on you about how much weight you've gained? (to me at 6 1/2 months)

Guy at McDonald's drive through: Wow! (eyes wide and somewhat fearful) how far along are you?
Me: about 8 months
Guy: oh! good you're almost through!

Daddy: (after a long inspection of my side profile) Hey sister, your stomach has finally outgrown your butt. It actually sticks out farther!! (that one's for you Bret)

Kevin: (from the floor while I am laying on the couch) Ooh...what are those? I think they're stretch marks...

Darren: So, how's the belly button?
(I pull up my shirt and roll down my maternity pant top)
Darren: Ooh-it's almost gone... but what are these?
Kevin: (from behind me) oh yeah her stretch marks?
Darren: Oh-no I meant the weird pants she's wearing.

Kevin to nurse #1 on the hospital tour (registration desk): So, when she goes into labor, where do I take her?
Nurse #1: the emergency room--no matter what time of day.

Kevin to nurse #2 on the hospital tour (overnight suites): So, when she goes into labor, do I bring her here?
Nurse #2: No to the emergency room--no matter what time of day.

Kevin to nurse #3 on the hospital tour (labor & delivery): So, when she goes into labor, do I bring her here?
Nurse #3: No to the emergency room--no matter what time of day.

Nurse #3: Did you guys have any other questions?
Kevin: No, I just needed to know where to take her--I'm good now.

While driving in the car with the radio on, Kevin started giggling. I asked him what was so funny, he said nothing but continued giggling. I asked him again what was so funny? He then explained that he was just picturing the baby in my belly head banging to the music!

Daddy: So, what do you guys want for lunch?
Me, mom and Kevin: oh it doesn't matter.
Daddy: Well, you know the options--Sonic, Texas Burger, Subway, Taco Bell...but oh sister...they tore down McDonalds.
Me: Really? When? Why?
Daddy: I don't know--but it's not there, so no double cheeseburgers for you!
(McDonalds is still fully in tact)

(At dinner with Kevin's family)
Grandma: So, has the doctor told you whether or not you are good "down there" to have the baby naturally?
Me (bright red): Umm...well...she hasn't said that I'm not. But we really haven't talked about it.
Grandma: Oh, well, you'll want to make sure that you are big enough and that everything is good down there.

And the best one...

(still at dinner with Kevin's family)
Grandma: So, have you still been able to use your vibrator thing?
--Dead silence, bright red faces, and quick glances around the table--
Me: Uh...what...Oh, my massage chair! Yes, it's great...
--The rest of the room dies in silent laughter--